Friday, January 6, 2012

Ya'll Ready For This?

Because it's happening. Read on.

Lorraine: Lacey. We need to talk. It's important. It's about...the Bachelor.

Lacey: Did you watch?

Lorraine: I did.

Lacey: Me too.

Lorraine: I really want to like the horse girl, for obvious reasons, but the way she spells her name: LINDZI. And, you know, her face. I was surprised she got the first impression rose

Lacey: Me too a little. But she seems nice and pretty normal which means she'll either go far, or be written off by the producers.

Lorraine: hahahha you may have a point there. also, um JENNA!!!!!

Lacey: psycho
She scares me!

Lorraine: my favorite part is actually watching her try to interact with Ben. she hasn't said a single normal thing to him yet. not one thing. "Good Things End Badly" hahahahahhaha

Lacey: It's true. She's unstable. While we're talking about Jenna, let's talk about Monica. Why do they keep casting the "villains" from Salt Lake City? They're giving us a bad name!

Lorraine: hahahaha, I know!
what's weird though is if you go on the bachelor site, they list her as being from california, so I'm pretty sure they're just "accidentally" submarining salt lake on purpose, haha

Lacey: Interesting!

Lorraine: Though I have to say, considering she is clearly a little on the crazy side, she handled Jenna surprisingly well. about how I would have if someone had said, you know, some of those things to me.
I think she chose a perfectly reasonable time to walk away from psycho hose beast.

Lacey: What did you think of the lovefest on the sofa? Are they maybe on the wrong show? Or just physically affectionate girls?

Lorraine: hahaha, that was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. I think it was 2 drunk girls who wanted to be on TV.

Lacey: I agree. I was sad he sent Oklahoma cow nuts shotgun girl home. She was cute. Also Shira because she was on an episode of the office once.

Lorraine: hahah, yeah, poor shotgun girl. I didn't know that about Shira! did I miss that in the episode?

Lacey: No. I read it on a comment board and it was true. She played Andy's underage girlfriend.
Very funny ep.

Lorraine: LOL
that's awesome!!! I liked the girl in the disco ball dress. she was stunning. and I like the blond with the bangs, oh what was her name?

Lacey: With the nose piercing? Rachel.

Lorraine: yes! Rachel.
she seems spunky but normal

Lacey: I liked her a lot too. Disco ball dress.... I don't remember her I think...

Lorraine: I'm trying to see if there's a picture, I can't remember who she is, I just remember her dress and that she looked super hot.

Lacey: My favorites were Rachel, Kacie B. (she seemed super sweet), Nicki (divorcee), and Shawn (single mom).
Lorraine: This Girl:

Lacey: YES!!! THat's Kacie B! She's my pick for number one.

Lorraine: right on! lacey, we are winners!
I liked Shawn too, her green monstrosity of a dress was real unfortunate, but I think she can still recover.

Lacey: I was so afraid for her bosoms. She was THIS CLOSE to spilling out.

Lorraine: so close. really close.

Lacey: I hope I don't sound jerky when i ask this, but did you think there were more "interesting" looking women this season than any before?
Jerky. I knew it!

Lorraine: hahahahaha, you are such a good soul, that was the nicest possible way to put it. yeah, actually, that's kind of what I was thinking about Ashley's season of the bachelorette- they are possibly scraping the bottom of the "people who are willing to get married on TV" barrel.

I know America is going down the drainpipe and all, but I still imagine the pickins are slim of people willing to read aloud a card on TV that talks about "the key to a luxury suite for a romantic evening alone", knowing full well that Granny is watching in her lazy boy under an afghan.

Lacey: You speak the truth.

Lorraine: but yes, am I crazy, or is the model not even really all that pretty?
I think she's sort of weird looking.

Lacey: I agree. She's a model with "a look". But I may feel that way because I already know I wouldn't like her as a person. The first thing she does is stick her hands all over in his hair. Gag me. Then she tells him "I'm just really nice and calm and normal". Usually if you have to say it with words, your behavior will soon prove otherwise.

Lorraine: hahaha, it's so true. I loved the description of her given by your green beans blogger. We get it, you're a nice model, who isn't actually nice. OKAY.

Lacey: Any other notable contestants we need to talk about?

Lorraine: only a moment of silence for the girl who I most identified with and who did not get a rose: Dianna. May her single life rest in peace.

Lacey: The candy girl?

Lorraine: She runs a non-prof! her heart is made of gold! cute men make her forget what she was gonna say! CANDY IS THE ENEMY!
haha, yes, so sad.

Lacey: I know. Bless her. She seemed like a sweetie.

Lorraine: I remember watching and thinking, omg, that is totally what I would do if someone made me go on the bachelor and try to flirt with a stranger.
crash and burn.

Lacey: Yeah. She definitely got a few "bless her hearts" from me. She had a rough time in Bachelor town. Some people just aren't cut out for it.

Lorraine: yup. it's for the people who are charming, quick on their feet, total drunks, and always sound good when there is a camera 12 inches from your noggin. it's not for everyone.
Before getting married, I kept hoping they'd make a nerd version of the bachelor, featuring a park ranger. I would have done it.

Lacey: If they had a chemical engineer who liked (or tolerated) the arts I'd join up in a heartbeat. He'd have to be willing to listen to me do dramatic readings of Poe by lamplight.

Lorraine: haha! seriously, ABC is missing the real money boat, here. brilliant nerds dorking out at dodgy museums, attending coke bottling factory tours, and reciting ancient verse in iambic pentameter, or better yet, in latin.

Lacey: Can you imagine how delightfully undramatic that season would be? Some might call it "boring". I would call it "bearable".

Lorraine: it would be so bearable that Dan would watch it without having to pretend like he wasn't watching it.

Lacey: Ha ha!
How can we make this happen? In my dreams.

Lorraine: hey man! we know SO MANY people with cameras. Choose a Nott brother, any Nott brother.
we'll make our own!
if only I knew more chemical engineers. or park rangers. therein lies the rub.

Lacey: Oh man. It would rock. You know what we should do? Have a Bachelor g chat every week and then post them on our blogs. Funny and embarrassing.

Lorraine: hahaha, I FULLY support this. I love horrifying people with my enthusiasm for bad television.
LOL, reading back through our conversation and seeing that I referenced "the bachelor website" and I died. this is a ghost typing.

Lacey: I referenced a message board. What's worse?

Lorraine: both equally bad. Post it.

Lacey: Really? This is a big decision. Do we really want the world to know even our most pathetic thoughts and opinions about THIS? Is this how we want to be defined?

Lorraine: I think it's important to remind people that the neatest people you'll meet in life are the walking contradictions. This doesn't define us, it gives us....color.
verve, if you will.
But maybe just to be safe, we should post something about the middle east peace crisis right after.

Lacey: Yes. Oh man. This is really happening.

Lorraine: Our gchats will be a gift to mankind Lacey. don't look back.

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