Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Bachelor #3

Today Lorraine and I discuss Episode 3 of the Bachelor in which the girls threaten to implode and Ben saves the day by showing some sound judgment. Join us as we analyze, rage, and scoff.

Lorraine: AHHHHH!!!!! SHAWNTEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't believe it.

Lacey‬: Crazy right?

Lorraine‬: I love her! Dan had a crush on her Brad's season! I'm watching right now

Lacey‬: I know I liked her a lot too. She made me want to be a mortician.

Lorraine‬: hahaha, great conversation starter for any dating reality show. make the model die. Make the model be dead, and then you or Shawntel (or both of you) can formaldehyde her.

Lacey‬: I'd relish the opportunity.

Lorraine‬: oh no, I've started off the bachelor convo prematurely. We're half live-blogging hahah. that's how sick I've become. I can't even WAIT.

Lacey‬: I don't know. It makes it kind of exciting! Discussing it with you as you discover it is thrilling!

Lorraine‬: I like that Elyse is refusing to leave, haha. I don't think she would have left if Ben hadn't made her. THEY ARE ALL STANDING RIGHT THERE???!! Elyse needs to die. Along with the Normal Nice Model.

Lacey‬: Elyse is bug-eyed combative! Minus 10 points for her!

‪Lorraine‬: your scoring method is accepted. ohhh, Rachel. Erika. Monica. Elyse. This is extremely enlightening. Of course every girl doesn't like this. but how you handle it is what proves what sort of person you are.

Lacey‬: I know! It's amazing what insecurity can do.

Lorraine‬: Poor Shawntel. Got dumped on TV twice.

Lacey‬: He saved everyone from an A-Bomb of drama.

Lorraine‬: yup. not that I wouldn't have loved to have seen The Nice Normal Model protest her way on to a plane.

Lacey‬: I wouldn't have minded that at all. I had 4 notes written down for the first hour and fifteen minutes of this episode. That rose ceremony really packed a punch. It totally compensated for an otherwise lackluster episode.

Lorraine‬: it's so true. shall we quickly breeze through the first hour? let see...who was the first date again? Hahaha. Oh yes, EMILY! the germ doctor

‪Lacey‬: Oh the date of WAY too many love analogies.

‪Lorraine‬: hahahahahha, I totally wrote down every cliché thing that they said. Ben's list was up to 10.

‪Lacey‬: Ben says "love is all about diving head first"... into a sea of rapidly moving vehicles.

Lorraine‬: "I feel like we've taken this date to new heights" ...for the world record of most embarrassing bachelor voiceovers at 2,000 feet.

Lacey‬: Then the skiing date. Kacie B. ratchets up her adorable factor about 20 notches with the backwards butt skiing!

Lorraine‬: Totally. she EARNED her rose this week. No one handed it to her. It was achieved with exemplary self-degrading butt skiing

Lacey‬: Remember the totally shameless and blatant product placement cars? Real subtle, guys.

Lorraine‬: that was terrrrible.

Lacey‬: Then there was the granddaughter leaving thing. That seemed kind of random to me, but props to her for ducking out when she wasn't feeling it.

Lorraine‬: I agree, and honestly, I think she outsmarted the show. I definitely got the feeling that Ben chose her so she could either "prove him wrong" or so he could send her packing like he planned. She got to leave with her pride somewhat intact, but you could tell she was suspicious, and that's not a good spot to be in.

Lacey‬: That makes sense. Good call. He said he was on the fence about her. She must have sensed it and beat him to it. I also got the feeling that she didn't understand all these women working themselves into a frenzy over some dude they've had 3 conversations with and she didn't buy the hype.

Lorraine‬: yeah, I think you're right. like Jennifer saying she thinks she's falling in love?? have they, like, talked? ever?

Lacey‬: Exactly. So my favorite line of the night went to Nicki aka Donkey Girl when she was crying about Shawntel being there. She said "She comes riding in here on her high hearse- no pun intended..." Are you sure Nicki? Are you really sure?

‪Lorraine‬: HA!!! Nikki was a walking basket case the whole night. She's another one of those people I've barely seen in the same room as Ben, and she's beside herself because of her jealousy over some girl.

Lacey‬: and Courtney's "What's her butt" coming in with a close second. There's a 4th grader in all of us, I suppose.

Lorraine‬: I think my favorite comment was in reference to the Nice Normal Model, according to Emily. "I think she has a disorder. I think she should be diagnosed." I love when all the girls start diagnosing each other with disorders, bwah ha ha. classic bachelor.

Lacey‬: Ahh! That was the best moment of my life! Courtney totally tried to manipulate Elyse into hating Lindzi and it completely backfired. Everyone just thought she was nuts. I laughed so hard!

Other favorite moment- Ben says "JFK used to take Marilyn Monroe out here." Courtney says "That doesn't happen every day." True. They've both been dead for decades. Thank you.

Lorraine‬: hahahahha, I don't think Courtney knows who either of those people are. as she herself said, smart is boring.

Lacey‬: Words of wisdom right there. You listening, young girls?

Lorraine‬: If you want to be a washed up mean girl model on the Bachelor someday, don't go to school! or go, but only to flirt with boys, and then fail ALL the classes!

Lacey‬: So do your rankings change at all in light of Shawntel-gate?

‪Lorraine‬: oh, I'm afraid so. Rachel definitely went all crazy girl on us.

Lacey‬: I have to say I was sorely disappointed in her.

Lorraine‬: hard to hold her too close to the heart now.

Lacey‬: Red-Head Accountant kind of held it together and won best kisser award. Maybe she takes the 3rd place spot?

‪Lorraine‬: oh! she had my other favorite quote of the night!

“he said I was the best kisser. Which I’m not telling anybody” she said into a camera that said “ABC” on the side of it.

Lacey‬: Ha ha! Anybody but 5 million home viewers!

Lorraine‬: Now on to Park City, where it will become increasingly difficult to get the women sufficiently liquored up!

Lacey‬: Drunk drama may hit an all time low, but beautiful scenery is guaranteed. Still worth watching.

1 comment:

  1. So when are you guys going to start an American Idol liveblog? I want to hear somebody say that Steven Tyler looks like a wax sculpture in the Sonora Desert.