Remember that whole post I wrote that once about my constantly making an idiot out of myself? About the seemingly dire need of the universe to humiliate me any time it possibly can? Allow me to relate another tale supporting my claim.
About a week ago I went with my brother, Dan, and sister-in-law, Lorraine, to the World Market to look for some sweet stuff for my new apartment. I checked out with my spoils of war: A couple of baskets, a cool carved wall hanging, a stunning vase. On our way out the door we spotted a display with a gorgeous mosaic-top side table. I had said maybe 5 minutes earlier to Dan, "I wish I could find a table with a beautiful mosaic top." It seemed that the Fates smiled down on me at that moment. Little did I know they were building me up only to knock me down.
I turned right back around and bought the table. I was so pleased with my find. Once I'd checked out the second time Dan carried out my first purchases and I walked into the parking lot with my beautiful new table. We all walked along toward my car, when suddenly it seemed the ground had disappeared from beneath my footstep. In an instant I realized that I'd taken a step into a sink hole. My ankle turned, and my whole weight was falling to the asphalt below. My only thought in that instant was, "SAVE THE TABLE!" With both hands I held it up as high as could to keep it from hitting the ground. It meant that I couldn't catch myself with my hands or attempt a quick balance check and throw my other foot forward for a save. I was going down. All the way. And I did. I fell straight down on both my knees with a thud.
The pain was instant, but was quickly surpassed by shock and profound embarrassment. I scrambled to my feet, shooting glances side to side to see who had witnessed the folly. Dan and Lorraine were a given. I can handle embarrassment in front of family members. They're pretty much used to me at this point. Since Lorraine is relatively new to the family, if she wasn't used to it then, she would be now. I thought I'd get her on the fast track to seeing my idiocy. But there was someone else. Two people in fact. Getting out of their car immediately in front of me. They stared at me awkwardly for a moment, then shuffled past me towards the store.
The shock continued as I robotically started towards my car again. Then Lorraine's voice registered behind me. "Wait, Lace, your shoe! Your shoe!" It was still in the sink hole. I went back again to put it on. I was probably halfway to my car before some of the haze began to clear from my mind and I realized how ridiculous that whole scene had looked. I burst out laughing. To Dan and Lorraine's credit they waited to laugh until I did and they were sure I was alright, although I could tell they desperately wanted to.
Once I was safely hiding behind my car I surveyed the damage. There was some definite scrapeage, but no blood and no holes in my pants. I didn't slide or roll, just a direct impact.
Then Dan asked, "Do you still want to go to dinner?" As though the embarrassment of my fall had rendered me incapable of further activity. Of course I did! And I enjoyed the rest of the evening, even though sudden sharp pains from my knees served as constant reminders and set me into periodic fits of laughter.
Oh! The good news in all of this is, the table is fine! It didn't even hit the ground. My purpose was served and my sacrifice worthwhile.
Now I give you pictorial evidence! Enjoy! Or don't scroll down if bruised knees make you queasy or uncomfortable in any way.